Jon Hamm and Hazing

I don’t know if many of you have been covering this Jon Hamm hazing scandal but today the Daily Mail went IN.

Headline:

EXCLUSIVE: ‘He became MAD, really MAD.’ First picture of Jon Hamm’s hazing victim who was beaten with a paddle, set on fire and confined in ‘grave’ carved into frat basement – because he couldn’t remember Mad Men star’s nickname ‘MC Hammer’

Basically Jon Hamm’s parents had great lawyers because even though he was the ringleader in a frat hazing event that led to the guy being injured for life he basically got off with community service and now he’s rich.

Fake Progressives in Hollyweird will now have to turn their backs on him and shun him for a few years while he goes into rehab again (even though he’s been like 20 times already) and all the while this man who suffers from burnt balls and an injured back has to pay kids to mow his lawn and watch Mad Men knowing that even though as a madcap college student Hamm was basically a sociopathic assmunkey his looks rode him all the way to Hollywood.  Sociopaths get money and ladies and guys like this get special toilet seats and neighbor kids turning over their trashcans.

Unfair.

At the same time…why did he even want to join a fraternity?  Why didn’t he say “Hold up, I don’t want this anymore!”

I’ll tell you why.  Wait for one minute while I put on my tinfoil hat.

Okay.  Ready.

The reason why fraternities exist and people join them knowing that they will be treated like absolute crap–don’t say after Animal House, the Skulls, and Cruel Intentions that they don’t know–is because fraternities lead to J-O-Bs.

Fraternities whether they are the Masons, the Shriners, Skull and Bones, or some stupid Texas Sigma Nu all serve a purpose of super secret squirrel networking.  The hazing is there to condition you to loyalty and secrecy.  The torturer and victim have gone through a traumatic experience together and hold each other’s secrets.

It’s hard to say “no” to hiring an ex-fraternity brother when they know so much about you that they can blackmail you over.

It’s why the Mason pledge tells them they will be brothers to pirates and corsairs and all that messed up shit.

Oh sure.  They will play it off like a harmless social club, but I don’t know many knitting circles that set each other’s balls on fire, or breasts as it were.

Anyway this is cray-cray and I had to rap about it.  Poor Jon Hamm it will be years before he and his Hammaconda walk the red carpet again.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s