Tidal Was a Failure–Excellent!

The Illuminati Puppet Event to hype Jay-Z’s streaming music brainchild has failed and it couldn’t happen to a nicer group of self-indulgent wieners.  According to Billboard and other sources like BGR it was a total wipeout:

Two weeks after Tidal briefly cracked the U.S. iPhone top 20 download chart, the app has crashed out of the top 700. Apparently American consumers have limited empathy towards Beyonce and Nicki. Soon after the launch fiasco, Tidal’s CEO was kicked out in a “streamlining” move.  The new CEO Peter Tonstad, a former consultant for the Norwegian Ministry of Environment, has his work cut out for him.

To make matters worse for Tidal, its main rivals are now surging. On April 20th, Pandora and Spotify occupied positions No. 3 and No. 4 on the U.S. iPhone revenue chart, respectively. This was the first time two music streaming services have hit the top 4 in sales simultaneously. In order to achieve the feat, Pandora and Spotify had to push Candy Crush Saga out of U.S. iPhone top 4 revenue chart, which is a remarkable achievement.


The best part is that they named the company Tidal which opens them up to all sorts of puns and great headlines.  The fact that these millionaire freaks are so focused on themselves that they think we’ll pay more to make them richer is hilarious.

Like Jay-Z’s tweet “The Tides They Are A Changin'” like we’re all going to see rally around them making more money.  Okayyyy.

Since the tides were evidently not in their favor and they were struggling to stay afloat , Kanye grabbed for a life raft and began to ride the waves of public sentiment, deleting all his tweets.

Seriously, I love innovators.  I love creative people.  I don’t love self-indulgent, creative people who try to sell me Aleister Crowley bullshit and then piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.

Now, the day that I can get streaming video to Kit Harrington’s bedroom I’ll pay an artist $20 a month to do what radio stations do for free.


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