Bitch, I’m Madonna…Bitch, I wouldn’t say that too loud after the video dropped

Hello, I’m filling in for my friend because the last Game of Thrones destroyed her life.  I’ll try to keep the writing up in the spirit of how she intended it.

If you haven’t seen the video, here is the link to Madonna’s official VEVO and I’ll try to embed it.

Here are my thoughts on the video and song

  1. It sucks.  The song is all autotune and repetitive and not in a good way.  It’s boring, droll, terrible, and boring (yes, it was so boring I had to say it twice).  I don’t know who helped her write this or produced it, but it’s the worst thing I have probably ever listened to in my life.  I mean it is so bad it made me want to cry.  I’d be embarrassed for her if she wasn’t a billionaire, now I just want to throw up on her until she stops making shitty music.
  2. It’s derivative.  Ghost Town was at least visually cool to watch.  This is like watching a Miley Cyrus video only with less money in the production.  Does anyone remember when she reinvented herself and did forward things?  Me, either.
  3. She’s being “cool mom” and again, I’d be embarrassed for her but she’s a billionaire so “fuck her”.

Oooh, look I’m wearing leopard spots!

Oooh, I made out with a girl!

Oooh, I have Nikki Minaj rapping about me in my video!

Here is the thing, there are ages to life.  You can be sexy, attractive, and bang who ever you want at any age, but if you try to act like you’re 19 people are going to question it.  Not because of ageism as in 56 year olds can’t be cool, but because most people at 19 don’t know how to dress, act, and are generally insipid.

I know I was.  I don’t want to be 19 again.  25 was a good age.  30 was great.  If I could do a maintain and hold patter it would be at 30.

What is sexier (be honest now) this with the grills and weird cheeks:

or this:

Helen is ten years older and after consulting with the guys around here, apparently more “bangable”.

Let’s also discuss how this pushing of the LGBT thing is backfiring…

When something becomes pop culture, which it now is, people get tired of it and move on.  I was an LGBT activist years ago.  I canvassed, went door to door, and did everything I could to push forward the marriage equality movement in my own state because I felt it was right and important.  But now it has become “pop”.  Gays are being token people (and allowing this to happen) in shows, movies, and every talk show forces some “gay” thing like Chris Pratt in high heels–what?  It’s like come on now, why?  What purpose does that serve?

I feel like gay people are being props along the way of commercial types being made more money.  Their lives have become minstrel shows for the Miley Cyruses of the world, and as a result it’s a turnoff.  I don’t want that to be a turnoff for me when I used to feel so strongly about it.

At this point I am so sick of watching this joke play out that I almost want to put on a Burqa and hide.

Madonna kissing women in her video has stopped being subversive and is now boring as shit.  Anyone can kiss a girl, Madonna.  It’s how you get free drinks in bars.

Lastly, now that her hair is pink I must look for a new color. Blue?

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